I feel like a completely different person.

Well, not quite. I'm still me. But I'm smiling from the inside and my eyes seem to just...sparkle. I feel a million times wiser (although I am by no means "knowing" that I am wiser) like someone who has been in on a secret. A thousand revelations to you, my dear! The extent of how I can feel is tenfold. Or should I say, incomparable. Like using real vanilla beans to make creame brulee instead of artificial vanilla extract. Life has taken on a new flavour and I can never go back to the same.

I used to write with my hand and my brain; those were my necessary tools. My heart was non-existent and my soul secondary in the equation. I have finally grown up, I guess, turning my book from introduction to chapter 1. There is something satisfying in saying that - like everything I have done before have prepared me to start my chapter. I remember when I was younger I would shed my earlier days away like a snake shedding its skin. But I am made of everything that happened in the past up to this point, and it helped me appreciate this new beginning.

When I look back on my past poetry and writing it feels as if my pen was governed by a history of great writers - read on, this isn't based on my ego, but a jest at my own poor imitation of the greats - like Elizabeth Browning and Oscar Wilde. As I uncovered more I realized I commited the mistakes that Wilde did in his poetry - I had nothing to say. Really. I tried to rhyme when it was proper to rhyme. I wrote down any feelings that I felt it was necessary to imitate; meanwhile I felt nothing at all. My emotions were a fiction and everything up to this point, an introduction. Like puppy loves and romantic dreams conjured by an early onset of romance novel reading - it was a farce of a life, entirely a fault of mine. I was too blind to see it.

Thank you, if you are reading this, that you have thrown that curtain aside and let me see the sky. You have made my heart ache in times of seperation and made me cry tears of joy at the realization of the extent of your love.